Deep Dive: From Participant to Facilitator

Meghan: How did you get involved in this program?

Brian: I was introduced to Maine Humanities at Maine Correctional Center. I was sentenced to four years. I had about two left when I got there. My mindset was not focused on programing or classes. I was battling the loss of a parent and really on an emotional rollercoaster. I was having a discussion at the coffee pot with Chris, a gentleman I normally wouldn’t even talk to. And a vibrant glow pours positivity out from him. We were talking about programs and the prison culture. There’s a lot of talk about programing that’s a scam, all about monetary value. And the gentleman says, “Well, there are programs that don’t have that motive or that intention.” And, you know, I kind of chuckled and said, “Yeah, I’m probably not going to put stock in that.” And he says, “No, Maine Humanities. I’ll sum it up: It’s a book club.” And I’m like, what, a book club in prison? And I got on the list.

“You think about the power of words, energy, the emotion that can be brought out of people.”

– Brian

I show up and behold, there’s a bunch of people in the room. This gentleman—he’s a man of faith,  a positive, amazing human being. He has this voice that’s captivating, and I was blown away. And the book was Beowulf—a story that’s been around for forever. I didn’t miss one meeting. Because of the environment and how the hierarchy works, just a few people or just one correctional officer could change the whole energy of the room. You think about the power of words, energy, the emotion that can be brought out of people. That’s what happens in the Maine Humanities groups, but it’s a positive thing. I continued to do the groups, and this gentleman said, “You know, you’d be good at this.” Fast forward, I started hosting and chairing an AA meeting at the entry pod, working with guys who had first come in. Some have five months, some have life sentences and are never going home. I was able to see that I could give hope. And all that planted the seed for facilitating groups.

There is a mental health worker who got wind of my interactions with people. He calls me down and says, “I’d like you to help me establish this book group. You can bow out after. But good things will come out of it.” The book was Houses of Healing by Robin Casarjian. She worked with people in Norfolk Prison in Massachusetts. The book has a lot of trauma-based material: forgiveness, self-forgiveness, meditation, peace. Those groups started, and there was no way I was bowing out. I was watching miracles. Helping facilitate those groups gave me more experience and gave me more confidence. For someone who lacks confidence and struggled with self-worth for a long time, those meetings built me up.

And then there was a gentleman who was working in the library, Tom, and he ran our groups in the entry pod, where I did AA. I felt comfortable with it, but I also felt that that would be the place where I could uplift people, give them hope.

Some guys were never going home again. They’re brashly thinking about that, that they’re going to die incarcerated or they’re going to spend the next 20 years away from their children, their mom. They’re going to lose their parents while they’re in. If anyone needs help, it’s guys at the beginning of that journey.

That’s how I got there. You know, I never really understood the power of a word. You think of the power of the word in that setting. You go to a negative place or you go on defense, but to uplift someone, to give somebody who’s in a really bad spot a safe place to have a discussion, to be vulnerable, to connect on a human level? On top of dealing with crazy emotions, to be provided a safe space to put to good, with support? 

“You think of the power of the word in that setting. You go to a negative place or you go on defense, but to uplift someone, to give somebody who’s in a really bad spot a safe place to have a discussion, to be vulnerable, to connect on a human level?”

– Brian

Meghan: Thanks so much for walking us through that. What a trajectory, Brian. It makes me curious to hear you talk a little bit about just what happens inside one of those book club meetings.

Brian: One can go in with any type of plan, but really it’s improvising. You feel the energy in the room. With the entry pod, I couldn’t necessarily go through a whole book because they’re only in there for three weeks. So it would be poems and short stories.  It’s crazy how you can pull just a couple sentences out of a piece of literature and it just takes shape.

It takes a little psych to get all the guys in the room. Go over group agreements. Set some guidelines. Chris did a baseline meditation. There’s a lot going on outside that room. Maybe one guy, his family didn’t answer. One guy just got into an argument. One guy has a roommate who snores. He hasn’t slept in two days. All these different variables. And the baseline is just breathe and be conscious. It helps them push all that other stuff that’s going on outside the room out there away. It’s a kind of nice reset and sometimes when the energy’s tense, I’ve done it halfway through the group: “Hold on, let’s recap and do a baseline and let’s go this direction,” which works well.

Once I got more seasoned, I would bring multiple things—poems, books—and the group would choose. I also started going around, say I had ten pages, ten guys, everybody read a page. And if they want to pass, they can pass. But, for the most part, once guys see other people doing it, they feel comfortable because it’s a no-judgment zone. I’ve even had guys who struggle at reading and the other guys in the room cheering them on.

Meghan: If you had to say, What’s the one thing that shifted for me or that you see shift in other people who come through your group, what might that be and why was it significant?

Brian: Before I went into that group with Chris and Beowulf, I wouldn’t have given that stuff a chance. I didn’t see any value in it.  I was very close-minded. So one thing that the group did was prove to me that there’s no value in being closed-minded but to just be open and just show up, find out, check it out, try it. What do you got to lose? And in a correctional setting, you’ve lost the right to make 150 decisions every day. Basic decisions. So go to the group. And it opened my eyes.

I’ve watched it with so many people. It shows that there’s good things out there. There’s good people out there that are doing good things. And it shows that—I think especially in the entry pod—it showed that had guys weren’t being judged for doing programing.

“Leaving there feeling positive and empowered when you deal with something that you would normally feed into—now you’re like, You know what? I’m not going to let that bother me. Because I feel good. Because I feel positive… I had a good conversation and I’m human.”

– BRIAN

When they go to Maine Humanities, when they realize that they’re not going to be picked on or messed with, it opens the doors like it did for me. Where now I’m giving the GED class a chance. I went into Maine Humanities, open-minded, just to have a common conversation about some literature.

It’s easy to lose more power in a correctional setting. Sometimes you have a guard that has a bad day. And if you’re not in control or feel empowered over your own decisions, you could very much feed into negativity and argue with them and make your life a whole lot worse. One decision can alter how you’re going to live for six months.

Leaving there feeling positive and empowered when you deal with something that you would normally feed into—now you’re like, You know what? I’m not going to let that bother me. You know why? Because I feel good. Because I feel positive. Because I just left there. I had a good conversation and I’m human.  It’s very easy to lose that idea and sense of feeling human.

Meghan: Wow. Right. And that gives me goosebumps. I feel like that’s it. We’re going to stop now, but are there last things you want to say?

Brian: I’m just very thankful to participate in it. I don’t say it lightly when I say that Maine Humanities was a pillar in me changing a lot of crummy things about myself and empowering me, motivating me, to change my life and my ways.

I’m in college. I just saw my grades. My coordinator said, You know, you’re getting A’s in college. Stop and take some credit for it. A year and a half ago, I didn’t think I’d get my GED. So I’m very thankful to Maine Humanities and yourself and the whole movement.

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